True Stories of Addiction: Brittney
Brittney started to abuse drugs at a very young age, after a switch flipped in her when she lost her virginity to a 25-year-old man when she was only 13 years old. Her father left the family before she was even born and she developed a complex of feeling unwanted or unworthy at an early age.
Brittney had always struggled with social interactions due to having a great deal of social anxiety, but being under the influence seemed to help. She found that doing drugs was what she needed to do to be valued by her friends and, later in life, what she needed to do to make friends.
Early Experience with Drugs and Thoughts of Death
When she was just 14 years old, she tried Cocaine for the first time. She did it mainly to please her friends who were doing it, but she instantly loved it. After that moment, she was doing Blow all the time and her life started on the long downhill spiral of addiction.
Brittney’s grades began to suffer and she was constantly in trouble, but she also was fighting an internal battle. Even at the young age of 14 years, she hated who she saw when she looked in the mirror. She tried to commit suicide for the first time that year by cutting herself. This incident was the beginning of her obsession with wanting to die and attempting suicide.
Substance abuse is often due to underlying issues of mental illness or circumstances that make the person feel alone, unhappy or purposeless. Later in life, she would be diagnosed with Manic Bipolar Disorder, which likely contributed to her desire to use substances.
Substance Abuse Gets Worse Before it Gets Better
Brittney wound up in an accelerated high school because she was kicked out of so many normal schools and joined the military after she graduated. After joining, her substance abuse escalated to an entirely new level that seemed unstoppable.
She got her wisdom teeth pulled even though it wasn’t medically necessary, just to get the pain pills. She was caught by some peers snorting these pills in a bathroom and was sent to rehab in the military. She continued to use drugs for the six months that she spent there in rehab.
She became pregnant in the military rehab by a man who was addicted to Heroin. She couldn’t stop using though, so Brittney continued to do drugs while she was pregnant in rehab and the guilt and shame she felt for her decisions was overwhelming.
The cycle of self-loathing, using and misery that so often accompanies addiction can be paralyzing. She tried to kill herself again and lost the child. Brittney was so ashamed of herself that she lied and told people that she had an abortion.
Spiraling Entirely Out of Control
As the dark feelings inside Brittney grew, so did her substance abuse and she spiraled out of control. She drank excessively and was using Cocaine all the time, telling herself that she was just having fun and partying.
The reality was much grayer than that as she grew financially dependent on her mom and Cocaine became the only reason she woke up in the morning. She tried to kill herself again, overdosing on Ambien, but fortunately, something was looking down on her that day, because it became another failed attempt.
When drugs and Alcohol are the only reason to live, life becomes pretty grim. At this point in her life, Brittney was lost inside her own misery and she didn’t know how to get out. If she wasn’t going to die, then she was going to use substances to get through each day.
Realizing Recovery Was the Way Out
One night, she had been out drinking with her younger sister who was frustrated with Brittney’s horrible behavior and they got in a fight. Brittney didn’t know how to communicate what she was feeling and she lost sight of every hint of reason. She started beating up her little sister who cried and pleaded for her to stop.
This was one of Brittney’s lowest points. She came home to her mom that night and slit her wrists while her mom was watching. She wanted to die again. This was her turning point, where she finally saw that she had to do something about her problems with drugs.
Brittney didn’t want to ever put her mom or any loved ones through something like that again. She didn’t want to hate herself anymore and she knew that it was time for something to change. This is when she finally started on the path to recovery.
Peace and Acceptance in Recovery
For a long time, she relied on others’ sobriety instead of getting sober herself, but eventually she discovered the grace to take that leap of faith. Active addiction drags people through the darkest of places and brings them to do terrible, unthinkable things.
This is something that people in recovery understand, though, because they have been there. Brittney found refuge in this acceptance, love and hope that she experienced in AA meetings. The people in those meetings believed in her and loved her before she could do either for herself.
If you are struggling with addiction like Brittney was, there are people out there to help you too. Call 866-578-7471 to talk to an addiction specialist who is in recovery and understands what addiction is really like. You are not alone and there is always hope to start again.