Motherhood Addicted To Crack Cocaine
Indya had a long running problem with addiction, “I was addicted to, more” Indya said, “by more I mean more men or boys depending on the age at the time … more attention … more Weed, more Alcohol more Ecstasy, more Crack Cocaine, more Meth, more Oxycontin, more PCP, more of whatever kind of drugs you had.”
Throughout her addiction her relationships with her mom and other family members where greatly affected. She started lying, staying out late and manipulating those around her.
“Using affected my relationship with my daughter because I wasn’t there,” she said “I didn’t care about myself, how could I care about anyone else?”
Indya used Crack Cocaine for the first time on her 18th birthday.
“My aunt was supposed to get me powdered Cocaine, she was a Crack user so she swindled me.”
Indya was “drunk and messed up” already, she decided to do it with some persuasion from her aunt and boyfriend at the time, who had tried it before.
“I was hooked. I lost my car, I lost my job, I lost everything. I ended up staying with my aunt in this Crack house.”
Passing the Breaking Point
Indya’s health started to decline, due to her crack cocaine use she became very thin. Other parts of her life were changing just as dramatically, she had nothing and no one.
“I threw the crack pipe against the mirror in the room I was staying in. I broke down, on my knees I asked god to help me … I had become, this, this, thing.”
After talking with her mom, she sent Indya the means to come stay with her in Arizona. This would be the first time she got clean.
“Then I started smoking Weed and drinking. So I was still using, but I didn’t know anything about recovery,” she said.
Indya got into rehab but like many, she relapsed. When she started using Meth Indya became extremely paranoid.
“I was, completely, delirious and delusional. I couldn’t function anymore. But I asked for help and I got the help I needed.”
Power of Prayer
The last time Indya attempted to use was with someone she met off of Craigslist.
“It was a party and plaything basically. I … I had prayed that night, earlier, for God to not let me get high because I had just left a recovery function,” Indya explained.
The wheels in her head were already turning and her addiction was ignited because she had been at a casino, then she called the guy to meet up.
“I couldn’t get high … I tried all night to get high but I couldn’t. I couldn’t physically use the dope.”
In the morning when she had to leave, the guy was upset because she was so focused on trying to get high that the “play” aspect of the meeting never happened.
“I locked myself in the bathroom, I was trying to use. I couldn’t use, I couldn’t light it, it just wouldn’t work.”
Frustrated, she ended up taking the drug with her and trying to use again when she was down the street.
Indya had been trying to get into rehab and get help for a mental illness she also suffers from for some time but was unable to because she didn’t have insurance. Sitting behind a dumpster she prayed to God to help her get out of her situation and turn her life around.
“I called Community Bridges … and they said ‘Well you have ACCESS (insurance)’ that was a sign to me, to be honest, that this was my last chance. All of this time I had no insurance and I was trying to get into treatment.”
Community Bridges, a rehab in Phoenix, sent someone to pick her up.
“I went there even though I was paranoid still. I was nervous about what these other people were going to think about me and I had just stole from this guy … I didn’t know if he was a rapist of a killer or someone who was going to come after me. I just went in faith.”
Indya took having insurance as a sign that her higher power was still with her and she was not alone.
“Why am I continuing to do this? Sitting there trying light this dope and expunging all my energy and all my, all my, everything. Into this shit? No. So I went in faith.”
Indya got into treatment and stayed in treatment.
“That doesn’t mean everything went butterflies and rainbows from there, because it didn’t … but I didn’t use.” she said.
She’s been clean for 10 months now and says it is starting to get easier.
“It’s starting to look like butterflies and rainbows to be honest, and that’s because I’m taking the time and putting the work in. Because I have faith, I’m not giving up, I know it is better on the other side. As long as I don’t pick up and get high, I can’t make it worse.”
Indya is living at home with her mother and daughter and has a job working in recovery.
“I get to direct people, I help them find the help that they need. I know what that’s like,” she said “I know what that starting point feels like because I’ve been there. There is hope, there’s opportunity, and as long as you want it it’s there.”
Indya is passionate about helping others find their way, “I don’t believe in no … when it comes to recovery. If it’s something you need for recovery, don’t take no for an answer.”