Trying to Escape Loneliness Through Drugs
The beginning of Sam’s road to the life of a Heroin addict began with a lot of loneliness. That was Sam’s companion growing up. In order to shake it, he gravitated towards drugs. His sister was three years older than him. She introduced him to alcohol and ecstasy for the first time at the Arizona Grand Resort—he was 13 at the time. He didn’t really feel a sense of relief from his loneliness until he tried weed. “I always felt alone; I always felt not right; I always needed something to feel better. I knew the first time I smoked weed that I had found a solution,” Sam said.
The euphoria was extinguished early, as he was caught with a bag of weed at a shopping mall. This was his only trouble with the law. Unfortunately, the punitive results didn’t persuade him to quit smoking weed. The day before his last drug test, required by his probation, his sister took him to the garage and sitting on a tile was a debit card. Sam thought this meant they were going to go use it to get money to buy weed, however, she had a different idea. On the tile was some blue-ish, white powder and she told him that he would do one-half and she would do the other. The crushed up powder OxyContin.
The two thoughts that flooded Sam’s brain were: This is incredible; I’m probably going to do this the rest of my life. I love this; this is going to kill me. Not able to heed the warning of the latter thought, later on, he went back to the basement to try and scrape off the rest of the OxyContin, but he ended up just scraping up bits off the tile.
Addiction, Family, and Heroin
Eventually, Sam began going downstairs and stealing his dad’s pain pills. One day he found $1,000 of his dad’s cash and bought a bunch of beer and weed with it. His dad found out that he stole them. “He kept asking me where the money was and I was like I don’t have it. That was the first time I had felt the shame,” Sam said. Though his dad scolded him, eventually, he found out about Sam’s condition and they started doing drugs together. Sam tried heroin for the first time when he was 14. The first hit he took made him throw up, but he enjoyed the feeling so much he asked for another hit. Heroin ravaged his relationships with friends and family, isolating him even further.
His rock bottom moment came when his little sister caught him and his dad getting high together. She walked in on them, left the room and went in her’s to slit her wrists. Sam tried sitting down with her afterward, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with him. Unfortunately, this didn’t immediately stop Sam from using.
Sam and his dad sustained their drug habit by pawning. They had up to three thousand worth of items in the pawn shop at one time. However, there was always a hole in Sam. He quit heroin, but he still felt sad and was using other drugs. One day, he was sitting with his dad and they were about to get high, but his dad stopped him. His dad asked for him to go to rehab five months after his 18th birthday.
Harvesting Healing in Recovery
Sam agreed and went to a drug rehab in Scottsdale, Az, but he ended up calling his dad to get picked up. Sam proceeded to get high after coming home, but his dad wasn’t having it. He made Sam seek out another rehab facility. Before going to intake, he ate eight valiums, smoked meth, and weed. He didn’t remember anything until the seventh day of intake. On day ten he had a terrible mental obsession.
His counselor came to talk to him and Sam said he was screwed and that he was going to get high again. In response, his counselor said that he was right and as long as he recognized that he was screwed and going to get high again, he would be okay. This confounded Sam a bit. But, his counselor told him a story about how the Romans would burn their boats when they came to conquer a new place so that they would either start a new life or go back and die. “I subconsciously decided to start a new life,” Sam said. That night, he went upstairs and prayed. After falling asleep, he had a dream and heard a voice that said: “you’re in the right place, you’re doing the right thing.” With goosebumps and a smile on his face, Sam realized he didn’t want to get high anymore.
He started working the 12-steps and the shackles of addiction slowly loosened their grip over his life. Sam believes that working the steps will help people overcome the things that lead them to abuse in the first place. “Find a solution, find a meeting to go to. Take this simple solution and run with it. It will give you a life greater than you can imagine. Simple as that,” Sam said.
30 comments
It would be nice to see follow ups on these people
What an honest, moving testimony. I wish you well in your recovery.
how can we get into contact with Sam? If he happens to read this, find me at @christaub(IG) @christaubz(twitter)
I heard he recently passed away from an overdose. Is this true?
Hi, I’m from Japan.
Hope his doing OK.
Be strong and proud of yourself Sam !!
Hi im tabitha and im trying to get myself clean I havent done nothing in a couple of months now. But I was drinking and smoking weed since since I was a teen. Then last year I started smoking crack then I had got into some trouble with an ex. Well he lied on me in court. But I had lied to my family so anyways. Im glad u are doing good keep up the good work.
I have never thought of what could happen using drugs to cope or overcome any pain isn’t for ones good. I see this stories and I feel pains.
I will never buy the narrative of using drugs to cope??? however, I understand when people resorts to it. After all a coping mechanism vary depending on the person. But the problem lies with the fact that you went the wrong way.
A lot of people makes the terrible mistake to think they can use both alcoholic and drugs to fight loneliness. This is really impoosible. it can’t help. Going for a therapy will help better
I was so ignorant years back. I thought I thought I could be using drugs to cope with loneliness but it was my worst mistake. Drugs doesn’t cure loneliness
This is really touching story, I had a friend then that claimed loneliness made him do drugs. Thank God he met christ and now okay.
To be free from isolation and loneliness, o e need know true ways to fight this out completely. I don’t believe in lonely alcoholic because of its side effects.
Unbelievable story. I can’t believe that Sam was dealing with addiction alone for so long, especially at such a young age. It’s the hardest to kick the habit when it’s become a part of your development earlier on in life and even more so with the heaviest drugs. The fact that Sam has a support system in place now and has an optimistic outlook for the future is really inspiring. His prayer and spirituality really serves as a great influence for other users or those struggling to quit.
I´m always happy when people that got into drugs get to recover their lives. Thanks for sharing your testimony.
It’s very hard to deal with isolation and loneliness, sometimes getting help at the right time can make a big difference in someone’s life. Drugs and alcohol just need a chance to take control of our lives and loneliness sometimes felt like a good reason tot ake that way.
Dealing with addiction alone, this phrase seems to me that it is not like that because one always has a person or in this case a divine being who is God to help you and make you feel full without needing vain distractions or unnecessary drugs that only damage your body and mind.
Some drug addicts is using drugs to cope with loneliness and depression. They need all the help they can get from the public and most of all from their family.
Isolation does play a big role in driving people to drugs. It’s something we should avoid at all costs.
I can see how loneliness can at times lead a person to try out drugs. The truth is drugs are never the answer.
Sam was a lonely alcoholic who just needed some guidance. I’m glad he finally made a recovery.
Using drugs to cope is an escape that way too many people resort to. It never ends well.
Dealing with addiction alone is one tough thing to do. Support from family and friends always helps.
It’s sad that Sam’s family never did much to help with his isolation. If anything, they made it worse.
I have experienced first hand what isolation can do to a person. That’s why I surround myself with positive people who can help me grow.
Whenever you experience loneliness it is best to find healthy ways of fighting it. Drugs only provide a temporary escape.
A lonely alcoholic experiences a lot of mental stress. What they needs is love and support coupled with some good rehab.
I never look down upon a person who is using drugs to cope. I have been there myself and can relate to the struggle.
Dealing with addiction alone is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It is such a dark and lonely place to be in.
Loneliness kills faster than suicide but that doesn’t mean you should engage in drug consumption. Thank God for Sam that he was able to overcome the habit.
Oh no, doing drugs is not the solution to fighting loneliness at all. Doing drugs and alcohol are combination that can ruin one’s life. Thanks to God for the recovery from the addicted ones. These are good to hear