“Self Love Used To Be Impossible” True Stories of Addiction

Self Love Used To Be Impossible

At three years old, Angie parents got divorced and she was swapped between her parents throughout her childhood. Her father suffered from an addiction to alcohol, which limited their ability to have a strong relationship. At five, he married a woman who treated Angie horribly.

As she was growing up, both her mother and her stepmother began belittling Angie about her weight which made her very self-conscious. In fifth grade, she began drinking to cope with the pain. By seventh grade, Angie had tried to kill herself because she felt so bad about herself. She ended up being institutionalized where she was diagnosed with manic depression, ADHD and anxiety. She was prescribed medication to treat the mental conditions.

At 16, Angie had back surgery and started taking Percocet. She was dating a 24-year-old and moved out of her family’s house at 18 to be with him. He ended up becoming abusive and eventually strangled her with a phone cord. After being able to barely pass high school, Angie contacted her mom for help. She moved back in with her mom and eventually told her what was happening to her.

A short time later, Angie moved in with friends and got into a fight with a friend. She got in her car, broke a mirror and tried to kill herself again. Her friend called the police and the paramedics came as her phone was ringing. The phone call was her mother saying she was done with her and didn’t want anything else to do with her. She went to the hospital and checked herself out to meet her father. After talking to her father, they started counseling and were able to move on in life. They built a strong relationship until he got very ill. While he was in hospice, he passed away.

When Angie’s Addiction Started

After her father passed, she turned to drugs and alcohol to self-medicate. She started working as a dispatcher and going to college at the same time. Angie told her mom that she was going to go to college and her mom told her to go get her money back because she was just going to drop out. Her godmother supported her and helped her graduate.

She got a degree in medical billing and coding. She moved in with a new boyfriend and got two dogs. While everything seemed to be going well, she was still abusing pain pills on a regular basis. Her work started to notice that something was wrong and gave her an ultimatum. She had the choice to go on short-term disability to get her back fixed or be let go from the job that she loved. She thought that the disability would pay better so Angie chose that option.

She had a second back surgery, she had an accident where she fell down the stairs in her townhome and badly injured herself. She broke her wrist, lost teeth and ended up losing her job too. This is when she started using cocaine and taking pain pills constantly. She was selling the prescriptions that she was getting from doctors so that she could save up money. A friend who lived within her complex got a large settlement and told numerous people about the money that he would be coming into in the near future.

One night someone came to her front door with a gun. Two men came into the house and robbed them for all of their drugs, their money, their ids and even their keys. They threatened if they called the police they would come back and kill them and the dog. It scared her so bad that she would barely leave the house because she didn’t want anything to happen.

The Worst Parts of Angie’s Addiction

Angie and her boyfriend kept selling drugs and while they were moving out someone stole the only money they had for a new place from her purse. Her boyfriend held everyone at gunpoint to find out who had stolen it, but no one had it on them. They eventually ended up in a hotel paying weekly. She was getting disability and he was selling heroin. She decided that they could save money by living on the streets instead of living in a hotel. Police started to harass her and one morning her boyfriend was busted for having drugs and was arrested. She had been using heroin and her addiction was so bad that she wasn’t able to get any when she needed it. People showed up to help her and she realized that she needed to be able to survive on her own if he ever got locked up again.

Her boyfriend eventually hit her, and she decided enough was enough and left him. Someone ended up stealing her dog and thing started spiraling. She eventually saw the person who stole her dog, confronted the person who stole her dog and he called the police on them. It took a few days, but the police did find her and arrested her because the man said that they were trying to steal his phone from him.

She found out that she was getting charged with a felony and is devastated. Her attorney eventually got her out but afterwards she missed many calls and meetings and didn’t show up to her sentencing. A warrant was issued for her arrest.

How Angie Made it Out Alive and Found Recovery

While living in a park, she ended up with sepsis, abscess and a blood clot on her right hand. She wouldn’t go to the hospital because she knew that they would find out who she was and her drug addiction was so bad. While she was on the run, she found out that she had a sister she never knew about. She felt hopeless and was going to let the infection kill her. Someone at the park told her that she either goes and gets help from the hospital on her own or the person was going to call the police and she would go to jail for sure.

She had to have two sections of her vein and resection it. She was in the hospital for nearly two weeks. She had a high fever and was starting to get brain damage. After being released she was arrested at a local park for her warrant. She was released on November 20th and she kept using for quite a while. She was raped four times within one year and almost died. She ended up getting help for drug addiction when a judge sentenced her to an outreach treatment facility where she got 120 days of treatment. She went into sober living and did all of her steps and has three sponsees now. She works at a parking garage and feels very supported. She has a sober relationship where they both go to meetings regularly. Angie is grateful to have the life that she has now.

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