5 Steps On Restoring Broken Relationships In Addiction Recovery
Hello! My name is Bianka. I would like to give you another warm welcome to Detox to Rehabs Reflections. Please join us each Monday at noon on our Facebook page to listen to the experience, strength, and hope shared by Connor, Sarah, and myself.
We will live stream a reading from Alcoholics Anonymous: Daily Reflections and Narcotic Anonymous: Just for Today. We express how this reading has helped our recovery or how it has impacted us. Please join us, engage in the audience, post questions, and/or leave feedback for us at noon. We thank you and hope we can inspire your recovery journey!
September 26, 2016: Our Children
The alcoholic may find it hard to re-establish friendly relations with his children. In time they will see that he is a new man and in their own way they will let him know it. From that point on, progress will be rapid. Marvelous results often follow such a reunion.
— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 134
Everyone has family problems, but not every family has to deal with the wrath active addiction causes. I know I have caused a lot of damage and burnt many bridges with my family. I also stole many nights of rest and happiness from my loved ones. However, because of my recovery, I don’t have to do that today. My family can go to sleep at night without a worry in the world.
Read the full Daily Reflection here: http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily-reflection
I am Responsible
“The drugs and alcohol have already taken over. They have possessed me,” I said.
I stole something from my family more important than any material. I stole their serenity and peace of mind. I didn’t care about their feelings because the high was the only thing that mattered. In all honesty, it was fairly easy to cause them worry because I didn’t realize what I was doing to them. I pushed my family so far away, it got to the point that my family wanted nothing to do with me.
“You are so used to them not being there and not showing up,” Sarah said.
Sarah has experienced being pushed away first hand. Her brother would break many promises, so many, she got used to it. Unlike Connor, no matter what Sarah’s brother does she still loves him unconditionally and will accept him no matter what.
“Not everybody is super accepting of me,” Connor said.
I know exactly how Connor feels. Just because I am a productive member of society doesn’t mean I will be able to approach and get everyone’s forgiveness right away. It took time and dedication to prove to my loved ones I had changed. My family was so used to hearing, “yeah I am going to stay clean and sober this time” but before they knew it, I was right back to doing what I did best, getting loaded.
“I am probably more scared then they are,” Connor said.
When the time came and I got sober, it was terrifying to approach my friends and family. I felt remorse, guilt, and shame facing them. I knew all that I had done and felt like there was nothing I could tell them I was being serious about my recovery this time, I had to prove it.
AA vs NA
The AA: Daily Reflection puts attention on reestablishing family relationships while the NA: Just for Today focuses on character defects and how it is easier to point them out in others then see them in ourselves. While each reading is very different, they share the same importance. They remind me that things take time and no one’s recovery is perfect. Also, they show me what I need to pay attention to in my recovery.
September 26, 2016: Seeing Ourselves in Others
“It will not make us better people to judge the faults of another.”
How easy it is to point out the faults of others! There’s a reason for this: The defects we identify most easily in others are often the defects we are most familiar with in our own characters. We may notice our best friend’s tendency to spend too much money, but if we examine our own spending habits we’ll probably find the same compulsiveness. We may decide our sponsor is much too involved in service, but find that we haven’t spent a single weekend with our families in the past three months because of one service commitment or another.
Read the full Just for Today here: http://www.jftna.org/pages/9-26.htm
Pointing out Others Faults
“We see things as we are not as they are,” I said
Connor agreed with me and proceeded to say, “my actions are an underlying cause of why I am angry or living in fear. “
It is so easy to point out faults in others, and I never was able to comprehend why that was. When I came to a 12-step program, I found out that what I am observing in others is a representation of myself. It is what I am doing that I am going to notice the most in others.
“So it is important to recognize myself,” Connor said.
When I notice character defects in others, it is time take a step back and really think of what is going on in my life that I am seeing in theirs. When I do recognize myself and figure out what is going on in my life and stop worrying about others I feel tranquil and serene.
Sarah’s brother is walking the road to recovery himself and she was explaining to the audience what it is like to be the sibling of an addict.
“We all enjoy being around him,” Sarah said.
Things weren’t always easy for Sarah and her brother when she was younger she never really understood why he was never around. As she got older she grasped the situation and felt the need to help him get back to the brother she used to know. Thanks to his recovery Sarah doesn’t feel that way anymore and enjoys spending quality time with him.
I asked her if she had any advice on how to cope with the pain of having a suffering loved one and Sarah said, “let them know you are there for them and don’t take it personally.”
You Got This!
It is the little things in life that truly matter. If it wasn’t for re-establishing my family relations and taking a step back and meditating on my life I don’t know if I would be where I am today. Recovery isn’t as scary as it seems. It is much easier than fighting to find a high each day. Check into Detox to Rehab’s Reflections each Monday at noon and let us help you live the life you deserve.