Recovery Reflections: May 17, 2017
Hello everyone! My name is Bianka. I would like to give you another warm welcome to Detox to Rehab’s Recovery Reflections. Please join us and listen to the experience, strength and hope shared by Madison, Brandon, and Megan.
We will pre-record readings from Alcoholics Anonymous: Daily Reflections. We express how this reading has helped our recovery or how it has impacted us. We thank you and hope we can inspire your recovery journey!
Alcoholics Anonymous
May 17, 2017: … And Forgive
“Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive others – also myself.”
– As Bill Sees It, p. 268
Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others are just two currents in the same river, both hindered or shut off completely by the dam of resentment. Once that dam is lifted, both currents can flow. The Steps of A.A. allow me to see how resentment has built up and subsequently blocked off this flow in my life. The Steps provide a way by which my resentments may – by the grace of God as I understand Him – be lifted. It is as a result of this solution that I can find the necessary grace which enables me to forgive myself and others.
Recovery, Resentments, and Forgiveness
“With those resentments, I’m not able to feel the fullness of life,” Madison said.
Before I was introduced to a 12-step program, I had a load of resentments toward almost everyone I knew. I felt as if nothing was my fault, I truly thought I had no part in why I was feeling negatively toward others. This, in turn, caused me to be more miserable than I already was to begin with. I had no love in my heart for other people, because of the harm I felt they have caused me and not realizing I was causing them harm due to my addiction.
“When I do these 12-steps, I’m able to see a light at the end of the tunnel,” Madison said.
When I came to my senses and decided to try this recovery thing out, little by little I realized I had a part in the way I was feeling. No one else can cause me to feel a certain way. It is my choice to react and feel how I do about the situation. By doing the 12-steps, I was given a freedom from resentment and was able to forgive other people, see my part in a situation, and eventually forgive myself.
“Self-forgiveness is the key,” Megan said.
When it came down to forgiving myself- I had to do a lot of work to do. It was easier than I thought it would be to forgive others, but it was much more difficult to forgive myself for all the havoc I have caused and all the hearts I have broken. I had to spend some time alone and ask myself if I was truly done making these mistakes over and over again before I was able to forgive myself. I wanted to make sure I was really done destroying my life and the others around me, because I wouldn’t want to forgive myself and a few years down the line have to do it again.
“If you can really forgive yourself you’re on the right path,” Megan said.
Then it happened, I forgave myself for the first time in my whole life. I felt free. It was like something came over me and made me see life differently than before. However, now that I have forgave myself, I needed to watch my behavior so the resentment against myself didn’t crop up in my life again.
“I can’t allow these resentments to crop up,” Brandon said.
When I allow resentment to crop up in my life, against myself or other people, I am not living on the spiritual basis as I should be. Resentment is the number one offender against that first drink or drug. In my experience, when I am resentful against myself or other people, I am angry, negative, and not serene. The beauty of life is blocked by the feelings of rage and anger. For an addict and alcoholic like me, that is no way to live. The reason why I work these 12-steps on a daily basis is so I can steer away from feeling miserable.
Recovery is a Better Way
“We have the option to be better today,” Megan said.
I can either feel miserable for the rest of my life, or let down my guard and ego and forgive myself and others. I have the choice to be happy today, when I was using heroin, I didn’t know there was a better way of life out there, so I didn’t have the choice of happiness. In order to stay happy, I need to keep doing what I am doing; I need to work the steps on a daily basis, go to 12-step meetings, work with other woman in recovery, and pray to my higher power for love, happiness and health for other people and myself.
Are you ready to forgive yourself and others? Are you tired of feeling miserable? There is a way out. Drugs and alcohol do not have to control your life anymore. Give us a call and we can help you find a way out of your addition and get you on the road to recovery. Our number is: (866) 578-7471
