Overcoming What Happened to me as a Child

man shares his story of alcoholism that started at 10 years old

From an early age, Luke noticed that fitting in with others was hard. He just couldn’t connect with others, and he didn’t understand why. He just knew that was the way it always was. Friendships were difficult. Emotionally, Luke could not find that common ground.

the first time i got drunk was when i was 10

When Luke’s grandmother died, he encountered a sense of sadness he has never felt before. It was a time that made him aware of his difficulty connecting with others. He had been incredibly close to her and life would not be the same without her. His sadness led him to his first time experiencing depression.

Depression became a daily struggle and has continued to be something he has to take care of. In the early years of depression, he struggled to find relief. All he wanted was to be happy; for the pain to go away. Luke says that, “it really unlocked something in me where I was searching for some kind of relief, something to take that pain away.”In his search for relief from the pain he was feeling, he turned to alcohol. He knew what alcohol was and what it did to people who drank it. He saw the people around him drinking but never considered how alcohol could affect his life.

alcohol started to affect the way i saw the world

 

The Beginning of an Addiction

At the age of 10, Luke took his first drink of alcohol. As that drink went down, Luke immediately began to feel a sense of relief. He no longer felt the emotional pain he experienced daily. He could forget about how much he missed his grandmother.

This feeling of release stuck with Luke and he continued to visit the liquor cabinet in his parent’s home. Luke began to craft lie after lie when his parents would ask about the decreasing amounts of alcohol in the cabinet. He wanted no one to know what he was doing.

At that point in Luke’s life, he felt that he had found the solution to his pain. He had mastered the art of hiding. No one around him knew he was drinking and that was the way he wanted to keep it. Luke tells his audience that he “kept his drinking very, very hidden.”

Luke continued to drink once he entered high school. He would buy alcohol from his friends who were older. He turned away from religion and decided he wanted nothing to do with God. Luke knew he had a problem and could not understand why God would have created him so messed up.
Suicidal thoughts were a daily part of Luke’s life. He had no self-esteem or confidence. Each day he was thinking about what it would take to end his life.

man explains how suicidal he was in active addiction

 

The Worst Part of the Addiction

Once Luke graduated from high school, he began working. This sense of independence fueled his drinking. He was of age to purchase alcohol and making his own money. He still kept his drinking hidden, though.

Luke kept thinking that drinking was okay. He was purchasing a substance from the store. He didn’t want to do drugs and he remembers why. “I have always subscribed to the idea that I didn’t want to do drugs,” he said. “I’m never going to do drugs. That is what losers do, right?”
The thought that he wasn’t doing anything bad for himself continued. What he didn’t realize is that he was drinking so much, he was killing himself. As his drinking continued, he started vomiting. This is when he began smoking marijuana. The marijuana stopped the vomiting.
As Luke continued to drink, he continued to vomit. He began to vomit blood. This continued to happen, but Luke still craved that feeling of being drunk. When he was drunk, he didn’t feel his pain.

This pattern continued until Luke found himself drinking hourly. He was consuming two pints of vodka and a lot of beer per day. He realized that he was actually trying to kill himself. The suicidal thoughts led him to put a gun in his mouth, but thankfully, pulling the trigger was impossible.

young man finds recovery from alcoholism

Finding Recovery

Luke’s addiction got worse. He regularly drove while intoxicated and lost four jobs in a row. His friends and family were beginning to become concerned. They were asking questions, but Luke continued to say that everything was fine. He didn’t want people to be concerned about him.
Luke shares that a moment with his father changed everything for him.

His father told him, “I don’t care about the job. I don’t care about any of that. I just want you to be okay. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” These words and the tears of his father made him stop and acknowledge that he might have a problem.

After that moment with his father, Luke decided to call the Drug Abuse Hotline. What he thought would be a short conversation was a two-hour phone call. He was told to enter rehab and where to find a facility. Luke traveled to rehab and got through the intake process.

During his detox, Luke almost died. But thankfully, he was under medical supervision during his detox. He was taken to the hospital and cared for by the staff of his rehab facility. After he completed detox, he realized that without getting help for his addiction, he would have died. If the alcohol had not killed him, the withdrawal would have.

In his time in rehab, Luke began to talk about his addiction, and he discovered the underlying reasons for it. For the first time, he revealed that he was molested by a family member at the young age of four. This was something he never spoke of and found hard to talk about.

Recovery not only helped Luke overcome his alcohol addiction but allowed him to deal with the deep hurt he felt, as well as the underlying causes of that hurt. The staff and his roommates gave Luke the support he needed to stay alive without alcohol.
Today, Luke continues to go to meetings and has support from his long-time sponsor.

6 Shares:
5 comments
  1. I think the cause of addiction at early age in most of the cases is because of no clear attention of parents towards children. Parents should look after their children so they don’t have to go through depression. My best wishes are for Luke’s for choosing the right path

  2. Ugh the stories of addiction that started in childhood are SO heartwrenching. But it’s wonderful that you are spreading stories of hope. I like that Luke’s story shows how much power an intervention actually has. His father saved his life. I’m so sad that he was abused in his childhood, but so proud of him for overcoming.

  3. So glad he made it, and also made it through detox and was able to get medical help! I feel for those who aren’t able to have access to medical assistance when they want to go through a detox.

  4. Iam a mother of two beautiful children that are my world me and there father are now separated after sharing a life of 13 years together and two children and at one time were a happy family and wanted to be together for the rest of are lives and grow old together and still be in love with each other we were each other’s soul mates and a very happy family we had each other are are two children and are life was just perfect had every thing a happy home and had are happy family are happy life together the four of us and all of it went to shit as fast as your head could spin to me that’s half of my life and world together with the man I was so deeply in love with and he was my world my everything my soul mate the love of my life and just loved him so much with my whole heart and my feelings and love for him never changed sense the day meet 13 years ago up till the day he left us and didn’t want to be a happy family any more and moved two hours away and didn’t want me or us any more and that cut me so deep it hurt for all of them 10 months I I just cried and cried for him missed he so bad it made me so depressed my family was getting worried he was all I new and wanted and he took it all away that fast and quick are children were affected by are family break up and turned are lives up side down and it was one of the most hurtful and hardest roads I ever had to go down are break up and are family and world together was gone and over that fast I was devastated couldn’t consume it or take it I was so num from the hurt my whole body felt and couldn’t understand why he would ever give up on me and are children and not want to be or want to be a family any more and why did he leave us I didn’t want or now how to live my life or any life period with out him in it and it just broke me and my whole heart in to so many little peaces killed every thing inside of me could not breath or want to live with out him it killed my whole soul I wanted to give up and go sign myself into the hospital to help me with my mental state from the hurt and watching are children cry and hurt from all that just happend to us being thrown away in the trash by daddy and him leaveing and not wanting are family why and loose ing the happy home they were comfortable and happy in and haveing to leave and pack up to move back home to my father’s house cause we had now where else to go or help us and live a hole new diff life with out daddy in it I couldn’t deal wit my own hurt inside from it they were hurting and crying to I prayed to God please help so I can help and be here for my babys take the hurt and pain away give me the strength to not give up and leave them to we have been through enough hurt and pain with daddy doing what he did and I couldn’t and didn’t want to leave them and allow that break down I was slowly haveing get the better of me got up and out of bed with all the hurt pain and num I felt every day over this shit and was going to be strong fight it and put them first they are counting on me they need me and I want going to run away from them or all that I was feeling and be there mother that I always have been and just say ok except it he is gone he did that to us it’s over and stop asking myself why and others why to get my straight back get strong and just keep saying inside it’s going to be ok get better and hurt and pain and crying missing some body who could do us like that or throw your own family in the trash with all the time and years wasted to do us like that ain’t shit to cry over tell myself fuck it and him we don’t need him and are going to get through it and this and mommy will always love and be there and never leave you or your sister that’s daddy’s lose not wanting us or are family any more it was nothing I did or we did to him he just left and wanted to leave all of them things were his choices and how he was feeling and wanting in his life doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or u or sis did something to make him leave and for get about us let him go and live that new life he wanted and not want to be a family it will some day hurt him back like we are now cause no body is going to put up with a drunk or drinking every day like he was and did and bad choices and being very mean when he gets all the way drunk a person can only want and take so much before you shut the door for good like I have and did wit me wanting him back or ever trying for give him or try to start over liveing a person who would do your other half and your two children that love thought the world over him he was there hero and daddy that they new and he could and be at one time thats in the past and moved on wit a new drunk liveing deceiving person he became and came back to bit him in his ass for doing his family like he did us and can’t understand why he ain’t important no more to us and when he calls they don’t or do not want to talk or answer the phone he realizes he was wrong and doesn’t want to be a drunk any more is in a place trying to change and get help wit drinking and wants his family back what does he have to do to get that back that door is closed for life will never open again to him what he did and has done to me and are kids wit hurt pain and being thrown away by him is enough for me and watching me hurt so bad over him cry to him why are u treating me this way and being mean and lie and lie let others here me and my hurt over him and laugh and talk bout me to the female he was sleeping with the hole time and party and get drunk and lie and laugh about it to the person your sleeping wit while iam breaking down over you and loved you so much I just wanted u back and you didn’t want me I wasn’t good enough any more she was all that enough to throw your family and life we had together away it was worth it at the time now all u want is and need your family and me and do what ever it takes to get it and us back your drinking was one of are issues but u doing me and watching me hurt over u and your drunk and laugh with the person your sleeping wit watching me fall apart and it wasn’t and didn’t matter to u one bit and all the other shit I haven’t even said yet to much bad has done not for give able and the love and trust what we did have is gone and fucked up over all your actions and bad and poor choices I deal wit u and shit for the kids cause if not for them I would never say one word to u for the rest of are lives you killed any thing I loved and use to now and want about u or with I do not even like you as a person at this time and I was a joke to you now the joke is on u and how’s it feel not to be wanted by some body u use to love and shared 13 years with half of a person’s life my life half of it wasted with all your lies and shit you put and the kids through over you and what u did to us we got over you and let u go does all that feel good to you or any body to feel that way hell no I can’t even try to explain how it felt to me and are children you got your hole rest of your life to think bout it and just do not care about you or how it makes you on you are kids still affected over your bullshit is dad ever going to get and be better and come back home can dad live with us now that he is better and getting help and medicine to stop your drinking and what not wanting to be a drunk it hurts bad when a person u want or love or loved cuts you so way deep down inside hurts so bad u can’t even breath all them nights I cried my self to sleep over you are son 8 years old had to hold his mommy while she cryed her self to sleep over a person like God doesn’t like ugly and that’s why you are feeling it back or if u even are not my problem all I ask of u please please get it and your life together soon for them they want you in there lives and need you to be there father and daddy to them and be the best parents we can be to are children ain’t bout u and me it’s about them and they come first always and iam going to live and give them good life like they so deserve may be you could do it to for them who knows not my problem any more your a grown man and u figure it out just like I had to and with out u or your help has made me a better mother and person in so many ways all positive things in are lives I do not deal with negative or drama around me or the children come along way wit u not a part of it and I and it feels so wonderful I do hope best for you and you being man a d stop drinking for u self and are children you have to do it and want it not any one else can do it for you with your drinking hopefully u pick them or the drinking.

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