How to Fill the Void Left by Your Heroin Addiction
Devon’s story is not like any other. He grew up in an incredibly loving home with no abuse, no fighting, no neglect, and everything was provided to him. There were no problems that would have navigated him to drugs and alcohol. The circumstances in his home did not dictate the route he took.
No matter what he did there was still something inside that felt wasn’t quite right.
The Warning Signs
“What I noticed though is that the despite of all of that [having a normal childhood] there was this inner turmoil, there was this distance that something was not quite right, I wasn’t okay,” Devon said.
Devon always felt out of place. No matter what he was doing or who he was with, things did not seem right. He felt that everyone else was gliding through life and for him that was difficult to replicate.
He would try so hard to act and feel normal but it was just too challenging for him.
“As much as I tried my hardest to just integrate myself into society, to interact with other people, to do just normal things it felt ever so difficult.”
Because he had difficulties integrating himself into society, he found outlets. At first it was animation and then he got into playing the guitar.
“While most people would see that as an extreme passion, playing like ten hours a day, uh, for me it was the only thing I had to be okay.”
He spent most of his day playing the guitar to distract his mind form the feelings or uneasiness and unrest. The guitar was what got him through the day for a very long time, before drugs came into the picture.
After a while the guitar didn’t seem to give Devon what he was looking for. He needed a stronger escape from reality. So, Devon got the idea to do some research on drugs before he decided to try them.
“Funny enough I had this experience when I was researching Heroin that at the bottom of the web page in big red letters and it said, you know, the potential for addiction, the potential for over dose, for death, I kind of accepted it and disregarded it.”
The warning signs did not phase Devon. It took a while for him to try drugs but when he did it was all or nothing.
“I wasn’t the one to say I am not going to try this substance or I am not going to try that substance for me it was just game on.”
He ended up trying Marijuana for the first time with his friends. He felt like he did not have a profound life altering experience. However, in retrospect, it obviously was. It was something that made Devon feel at ease, it made him feel like he can now engage with others, he was finally okay.
“My first spiritual experience I was sitting there with my friends smoking and everything was alright.”
Though everything was alright, he noticed he was more deceitful about things. He started lying, hiding things and he felt he was changing.
“I started to manipulate more, I started to put on this mask to be this grand actor that I could control my life as long as you saw what I wanted you to see.”
He thought he was good at hiding things but his parents eventually caught on. They started noticing his lies and how he would come home late but they weren’t too concerned because there weren’t any big problems like him getting arrested.
He justified his using because he was not getting into trouble and because his idols were all successful drug and alcohol addicts.
“All my idols were junkies by trait.”
He would think of his idols, disregard the possible consequences of abusing Heroin and focus on the effect it produces. Because he wasn’t thinking of the costs of abusing drugs, things went downhill quick.
“I have pawned all my things; I have stolen from my parents … taking their credit cards, this and that, it just got to the point where I was out of money and I was tired of being dope sick all the time.”
Devon got clean not because his life was falling apart, he didn’t want change, it was more of a finical and physical problem. The drugs weren’t his problem; they were his solution. He believes he was the problem. He just understood there was a problem and he needed to fix it so he went to detox.
Recovery is Possible
In detox, Devon was introduced to a 12-step fellowship and shown that there is a way to recover, you just had to work for it. He looks at things differently now and believes Heroin was not his drug of choice, it chose him. He is living a life he never thought was possible.
He moved into a sober living and he was constantly surrounded by people who love and care for him. There sobriety came first and the individuals taught him the tools and means to stay sober. He is now an entirely different person.
Devon understands his illness and is able to live a full life. He knows he can now get though anything thanks to the tools the 12-steps have shown him. Devon believes if you put in the action to stay sober, you will stay sober.
“Recovery is for someone who wants it.”