Bianka was with her biological father and his girlfriend when she fell down and scraped her knee, it hurt so she started crying like most 7-year-olds would. Her father’s girlfriend gave her some beer and said, “This will make you feel better.”
“From a young age I thought that Alcohol, or another substance, was what was going to make me feel better,” said Bianka.
Her Biological father would take her out every weekend and spend thousands of dollars on her to make her feel loved and accepted.
“It made me feel like I fit in and it made me feel like people would accept me for what I had.”
As she was growing up Bianka had a recurring dream about a shadow. With time she realized that these nightmares were closely related to the memory of a trauma that she had suppressed.
Dealing with so much at such a young age, and feeling like her father wasn’t there for her like she needed him to be, was too much for Bianka to cope with.
“Going through the pain of my dad not being there for me, me calling him wondering where he was, what he was doing, him promising me he’ll be there on Father’s Day and him not showing up, gave me the wrong idea of how people should love and how people should act toward one another.”
When she was in the 4th grade she heard in a rap song that people drink cough syrup, so she went and stole some from the store.
While it didn’t really give her the effect that she was looking for it helped to get out of her own head. It was then that she felt love and acceptance and even though it wasn;t a person giving it to her which Bianka been searching for that feeling her whole life.
Getting Deeper
“After that I got with the group of friends that knew about Xanax, that knew about OxyContin, that knew about all of these. Hanging out with the people that I felt had the same issues as me, I found a place that I could finally fit in.”
Around 11, Bianka started smoking OxyContin, she was crying every night and acting out. It was around this time that her mom had started to figure out that something was going on.
Her addiction quickly escalated after she started buying her own OxyContin. The pills were expensive and she found that Heroin was a much cheaper substitute.
When Bianka first experienced Heroin, she didn’t even know that’s what she was doing.
“Someone actually told me that it was … weed resin and that was the best weed resin I ever had in my whole entire life and I had to get more of it. I loved it, and I still do to this day or I wouldn’t have gotten high.”
Heroin gave her a feeling of confidence that she hadn’t really felt before. She felt like she could do anything.
Enabling
Bianka started working at Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery, that’s when her addiction took a turn.
“That’s when things really went downhill. My manager would have me, on the clock, go buy drugs for me and him to get loaded at work … I was totally fine with it because he got me high and I was making money for getting high, so what better job could I have?”
After graduation, Bianka moved in with her boyfriend.
“I started lying, stealing, I stole from my parents … I didn’t care about you; I didn’t care what good you had done for me, all I cared about was that next high. All I cared about was that needle in my arm.”
Bianka’s family refused to enable her, anytime she was using she was not allowed to live with them. Although they were there to support her emotionally and still on speaking terms, they wouldn’t give her financial support.
Her family staged an intervention after her mom found out the extent of her addiction. During the intervention, Bianka agreed to go to a rehab facility in California.
“I lasted about 48 days and moved to the phase two of the rehab and I ended up relapsing with one of the girls there.”
Depression
After everything that had happened Bianka felt like her life didn’t have much hope. That’s her purpose in life was to get high and kill herself.
“I believed that the pain that I caused my family, I just felt like they would be better off without me.”
Bianka was living in San Bernardino behind a Walmart. She resorted to robbing people and stealing cars to get the money she needed.
“The area that I was in there was a possibility that my life would be taken from me at any minute for the drugs that I had, for the food that I had, for the shoes that I had. That’s just how it was where I was at.”
Bianka and a few people she was with were in a stolen car and saw an older couple coming out of a restaurant. The man had a gold chain, they decided to hit him and take the chain so they could go pick up.
This is one of the choices that Bianka still feels bad about today.
“Deep down inside I imagined if someone did that to my grandparent and it still, I wish I knew who this old man was so I can give him back what we took from him.”
The cops came and searched the car, found the drugs and arrested them.
“I started crying in the back of the cop car. Not because I was going to jail but because I was going to eat, because I didn’t have to wonder if I was going to wake up alive the next morning.”
The Start of the Journey to Recovery
While Bianka was in jail something changed within her.
“I got on my knees and I prayed, I didn’t know what I was praying to necessarily, but I prayed that I can stop living this life because I didn’t want to be this person anymore. I wanted to be able to wake up and not have to chase the high. I wanted to wake up and hug my mom and hug my little brother and hug the man who raised me, my dad. [I wanted] to be an aunt to my niece and a sister to my sister – I just wanted my family back.”
Sitting in jail gave her the opportunity to think about everything that happened, everything she did and it made her want to get sober even more.
Her charges ended up getting dropped and she was released.
“I saw my mom’s face and tears just started streaming down both of our faces and it felt that like in that moment in time, I was born again. I wish I could save everyone out here that is going through what I went through so they can have the feeling that I do… You can do this if you put your mind to it, I believe in you.”
48 comments
This still brings tears to my eyes! I love you B! So incredibly proud of this woman! It is possible and I will always believe in you!!!
This piece is really touching. I hope people with issue of addiction get free one day to put a smile on the faces of their loved ones.
I hope you can keep being a strong woman and get to recover the moments that you missed with your family. I can imagine how being into drugs can be like an eternal nightmare, so I´m glad you were able to wake up.
Fathers should always try and do more for their kids, be always be there for your children. The world would be a better place for everyone.
Some fellows are mislead by individuals who already have the bad habits. We need be ourselves to be free from this bad ways of life.
This just shows that a person can change it just takes the right mindset to do so. As I said earlier it all starts from within. Thank you for your story and I hope people can and will learn from it.
Quite a sad story. You can still see how people start so innocently.
What, I bear as little as that for pain relief, that’s bad and I see where the problem came from. It’s so painful and the bad group of friends didn’t help matter at all.
Wow, Bianka has really gone through alot. Just happy she is better and free from addict. Also I pray for all facing this recovery and change
I am happy that she was able to get over her past. She may have some difficult past but her future is indeed promising.
Wow what a powerful story. This shows that there is hope in even the darkest of situations.
Bianka Depression was so sad and painful but I’m so glad she had hope and believed. So happy for her.
This is really sad, I’m sure her dad’ girlfriend didn’t mean for all of this to happen. It is so pretty sad how she got involved with addiction.
This is an emotional story. Am happy she was able to overcome her past though she has some difficulties now. She will surely overcome
This women is a very strong. I can imagine how being into drugs can be like an eternal nightmare.
These is how bad impact from addicted, lesson for you bianka after jail you realized even you don’t know you pray for what but this starting day for leaving bad of your live
imagine giving a 7 year old a beer just because she had a minor accident..that’s not a response act…I felt sad that she started smoking at the tender age of 11 because she felt her dad wasn’t doing enough..I’m glad she is on her road to recovery..her at story really touched me..going to jail and all..I’m glad she is clean now
We come to know from this story how deadly it is to indulge in drugs, but I believe that you can become a strong woman and get back your old moments.
Many people that accepts you for things you have to offer isn’t for real. Also I believe now that not all addicts lacks parental care, it’s comes atimes from personal decisions. I pray we don’t make decisions that will kill us eventually
Brianka your story is really emotional. Getting high all the time is just killy indeed. We need to desist for it all.
We come to know from this story how deadly it is to indulge in drugs, but I believe that you can become a strong woman and get back your old moments. Thanks for sharing this blog.
Habits formed at the early years have a tendency of becoming second nature. Parents beware!
Seriously, alit stary using drugs cause of they have to work extra hours and they thing the drugs keep them going. I thing a more sensitive system should be put in place to cub over time
A very sad and emotional story, thank God Bianka was able to recover from addiction. Her story shows that you can recover from addiction if you are determined to. Detox to rehab thank you for sharing this wonderful story of recovery.
This story is very touching. Bianca’s journey took the wrong path which led her to feel lonely and homeless along the way but in the end she took the recovery program which was the right thing to do.
This is an inspirational story. Substance addiction is not always the solution to challenges. For her to go into addiction makes her feel homeless and alone but glad that she aimed to get her life back in recovery.
It started so early in her life. At that age, it even seems hard to quit when older. With all that she passed through, glad that she is managing.
No drug or addiction will ever make you feel better but this I am certain about; it will make you feel miserable and eventually loose all you cared about. This life story touched me and I thing we all needed a second chance
We loose all we have to addiction even loved ones. Age cried seeing her mum because she new how disheartening her behaviour was to her. Let make smart choices henceforth
Blanka’s story of drug addiction has shown that young people are exposed to addiction at tender age. It’s advisable to jettison any form of addiction for healthy lifestyle.
She startrd just too early in her life which is just based on the fact that she didn’t get the attention she needed from her dad. Parents really need to read this
Indeed self determination proves a faster way to solve things, it is good Bianka thought about family love when drug send her to where she doesn’t like. I love the rethink and the courage to give yourself in for recovery. It’s a story to learn from and I hope it serves as a corrective measure to others who may see drugs as options to get over any difficulties of life. Congratulations Bianka as you are a better person now.
Taking alcohol at such a tender age is not too good for her. Despite all odds, glad she made it back.
I first saw this post made on Facebook through ‘Detox To Rehab page. I was disappointed with the early life of bianka to choose drug abuse as a teen. Maybe she didn’t have a proper guideline as she was growing up. Thanks to the challenges she accrued in the process of her drug abusive life, that made her to seek rehabilitation.
Bianka was in deadly addiction. But, glad for her recovery.
Wow, Bianka at a tender age did and practiced series of addictions. The deeper you go, the more harder it gets to break free. Sheer luck, eventual determination and grace got her out of this mess. I’m happy for her.
This is a very touching story. Bianka’s did not know the results of getting involved in addiction. I am very happy for her that she realized the error of her ways to find recovery and become whole again.
This piece is really touching. It’s a story to learn from and I hope it serves as a corrective measure to others who may see drugs as options to get over any difficulties of life. Congratulations Bianka as you are a better person now.
Blanka’s story is indeed touching and emotionally pathetic. She has truly passed through a bitter experience. However, I am so much Happy that she has regained her freedom from substance abuse.
The action and inaction of some adult make younger ones to be engaging in some act that are destructive. Grace of God found this young lade through the Detox To Rehab.
We are influential being but care must be taken when one is influenced. You are at the receiving end after all.
Thank you Detax to rehab for sharing these type of stories with all of us.These stories are really very much inspirational for many people who are addicted with something and try to recover from that.
Being with one biological parents doesn’t make one not engaging in unthinkable. Those things that make one not to engage in it self determination and proper upbringing.
Homelessness and loneliness are some of the negative effects of heroin and other drugs addiction. Sobriety is the only way out which has been what Detox To Rehab stands for.
Wow, this is one of the most emotional story of recovery I ever read. It’s obvious teens and young ones are magnetized to groups and people with whom they feel loved and accepted, even if those groups are negative and engage in anti-social acts. Parents should endeavor to create such atmosphere of care, love and belonginess in the home. Great one Bianca
This is always the problem, when adults introduces things to children at a young age, the child tends to see it as the norm. This was the case with Brianka, which later affected her negatively. I am glad for the turning point she had in her life and the reality that she had to make a change from the life she was used to.
Too bad that it is how Bianka was raised. As an innocent child receiving alcohol from their parent, she really would not think that it was bad for her. Still blessed because despite all this, she came forward and made a decision to take new paths for her.
What a sad story! The action and inaction of some adults make younger ones to be engaging in some act that are destructive. We are influential being but care must be taken when one is influenced. You are at the receiving end after all.