Matter cracks open the door to his psyche and his addictions at the beginning of his story. It doesn’t take long to realize that Matter isn’t just cracking open his story for us. Instead, he was opening the door to his emotional recovery all the way.
In the beginning, Matter explains he didn’t even think he had a drug addiction. He denied his drug addiction, even after spending a year in jail after his fourth felony related to drugs. What Matter did recognize is that he grew up in a home where he felt unwanted and unloved. He knew his alcoholic and drug-addicted mom left when he was four years old. His mom left with his siblings but left him behind.
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In fact, Matter shares that the pain from this time was so intense that in 2016, he started trauma therapy. Matter was exposed to so much trauma growing up that he doesn’t remember a time when he was at peace with himself or his life. Matter did realize, however, that somewhere along the way, he found himself on a destructive path. That is, he had no money, no friends, and no job. If that wasn’t enough, he was shooting up with leftover meth, as well.
Overall, Matter felt he had no love or hope. He confesses that he always felt he wasn’t good enough. For that reason, he played to the narrative in his head that he wasn’t worthy of love. He’s learning how to deal with the trauma in his life, being a victim of domestic violence. Consequently, the only thing that helped him recover was finding validation in himself.
Matter says, “he wants to have a big, huge life that encompasses life, and he’s present for his life today.”
Recovery After Matter’s Dad Died
There was nothing easy about growing up with alcoholic and drug-addicted parents. Matter decided he needed to try to numb his pain and fill the emptiness he felt. Inevitably, he filled up the holes in his life with drugs.
Learn More about Alcoholism within the Family and the Negative Effects.
Matter feels his real recovery started when his dad died. After his death, Matter found peace within himself. He surmises it’s because he was able to let go of more than 25 years of discord and resentment.
Before his death, Matter started making amends with his dad. He was there for him in his time of need and expected nothing in return. Matter found a sense of peace by being there for his dad, regardless of the past. That’s because he did what he wanted to do by being a supportive son.
Matter always felt that his drug addiction and self-destructive behavior was due to his need for people to validate him. He needed validation because he felt unwanted throughout his life. Supporting his dad during his personal journey of addiction recovery was a big step. It was the first step that led him to a path without drugs.
Sexual abuse was a traumatic part of Matter’s childhood. He also saw his mom and stepmom end up in prison. These pieces of his history were hindering him from realizing his self-worth. He started trauma therapy in 2016 because he knew that they were at the root of his addiction.
Matter was overwhelmed by most of the emotional aspects of his life. He thought therapy would help him find a center of peace. Matter wanted to peel away the layers of trauma. He wanted to finally feel comfortable with himself. Most of all, Matter knew he was running out of tools to deal with his life sober. He didn’t want to feel unworthy of love anymore.
Matter says, “he’s worthy because he lives today, and he gets to help people today in a way he never knew he could.”
Trauma Therapy Was the End of One Life and the Beginning of Another
After enduring a childhood surrounded by drug-addicted parents, Matter found it hard to value his own life. He wanted to work through his trauma. Furthermore, he was tired of being a victim in a domestically abusive relationship.
Like many people who survived a traumatizing childhood, Matter was attracted to abusive men. Trauma therapy and drug recovery taught him that people don’t show their love through physical abuse. Matter also realized that only he could save his own life, no matter what the outside factors were.
It was when he was living a dramatic and amplified life that he realized he couldn’t change other people. Becoming the person your partner wants you to be is worse. He was going to have to find a way to be himself and begin a new chapter in his life.
Matter realized he had to find a way to live his truth during trauma therapy. What’s more, he was in search of his highest spiritual self; he wanted to feel whole. One of Matter’s best qualities is his ability to be honest about who he is, how he’s working through his process, and who he wants to be.
Overall, he knew who he didn’t want to be, and that was his parents. Matter knows life in recovery is always going to be hard. But in trauma therapy, he found that he can reach others and help them find the courage and commitment to change. Trauma therapy taught him that he’s worthy because he lives.
Matter relates, “he had to find a way to live his truth.”
Life Moves Forward
Matter’s life today exudes gratitude and the knowledge that his higher power has domain over everything. He no longer tries to wrestle control of situations and people because he feels unworthy. Matter knows his internal narrative tries to trigger his insecurities and hopelessness. Even though he has been in recovery for six or seven years, he doesn’t take one day for granted.
Matter tries to be there for people today to help them. He seems amazed that he can. Matter continues to reach for his strength. He no longer lives his life grasping for drugs to numb his pain. Instead, he’s holding himself to a higher standard now. He also appreciates that he found himself through the drug recovery and trauma therapy services at Detox to Rehab. Most importantly, he’s prepared to find a way to be there for those who are still lost.