Recovery Reflections: July 19, 2017
Hello everyone! My name is Bianka, and I would like to give you another warm welcome to Detox to Rehab’s Recovery Reflections. Please join us and listen to the experience, strength and hope shared by Brandon, Josh and Madison.
We will pre-record readings from the book Daily Reflections. We express how this reading has helped our recovery or how it has impacted us. We thank you and hope we can inspire your recovery journey!
July 19, 2017: False Pride
Many of us who had thought ourselves religious awoke to the limitations of this attitude. Refusing to place God first, we had deprived ourselves of His help. Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 75
Many false notions operate in false pride. The need for direction to live a decent life is satisfied by the hope experienced in the A.A. Fellowship. Those who have walked the way for years–a day at a time–say that a God centered life has limitless possibilities for personal growth. This being so, much hope is transmitted by the elder A.A.s.
I thank my Higher Power for letting me know that He works through other people, and I thank Him for our trusted servants in the Fellowship who aid new members to reject their false ideals and to adopt those which lead to a life of compassion and trust. The elders in A.A. challenge the newcomers to “Come To”–so that they can “Come to Believe.” I ask my Higher Power to help my unbelief.
Finding Hope from God in Recovery
“God is something you experience, it’s not some object,” Brandon said.
Growing up, I was introduced to a God in a Church and never felt like the God I was supposed to believe in was a good fit for me. There were some things about this God that I didn’t really agree with and it really discouraged me. It discouraged me to the point where I stopped believing in a Higher Power all together, and didn’t think there was anything out there that was looking over me as I struggled. While I was in active addiction, I was basically killing myself daily but something was preventing me from dying from an overdose or dangerous situation.
“I can seek a God of my own understanding,” Josh said.
I got sick of living the way I was and I was ready to end it all. No matter what I did to try and end my life, I always came back from it. There was something out there preventing me from losing my life and I slowly began to realize that. I ended up getting arrested and when I got to jail, I began to pray. I didn’t know what I was praying too but I understood that if I lived through the pain and suffering of my active addiction, there had to be something greater than me that was watching over me.
Even though I knew there was something keeping me alive, I was still uneasy about believing in my childhood God. However, I remembered in the 12-step program, you can choose a God of your own understanding. As long as you believe there is something out there that is greater than you, all will be well. I started to pray to this God, one of my own understanding every day and night. I slowly felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders and realized, when I get released from jail, I don’t have to go back to living the way I was living because I have God in my life and my God has made me a stronger person.
“God is everything or God is nothing,” Madison said.
I ended up being released from jail and went home to my family. I told them I had found God and was ready to work the 12-step program honestly so I could change my life. They were all a little hesitant to put their trust in me, but it did build slowly over time. Just because I work a 12-step program does not mean I am perfect; I still mess up, a lot, but the difference today is that I learn from my mistakes and move on because I have god in my life. There is nothing in my life that can push me away from God other than myself and when I am pushing myself away from God, life ends up getting stressful and hectic.
I came to the realization, I can either have God in my life or not have God in my life. There is no in between. I either run on self-will or God’s will, and I am the only one who can decide which will I want to live on. I know today, running on self-will gets me running to the dope house, but running on God’s will keeps me alive and free from drugs and alcohol.
“God has carried me through so much that I really shouldn’t be sitting here today especially happy, free from drugs and alcohol,” Madison said.
There is nothing better than the life I live today. I did some incredibly stupid things while I was using drugs and I should not be alive. At the time, I thought I was just lucky but now I realize it was God looking after me the whole time. If I didn’t have God and I didn’t get clean and sober when I had the chance too, I wouldn’t be alive, and I will be forever grateful for that. We all have a chance to recover- we just need to keep an open mind and heart to the idea of God.
We want to again thank Stone Valley Recovery for allowing us to use their beautiful facilities.