Recovery Reflections: August 16, 2017
Hello everyone! My name is Bianka, and I would like to give you another warm welcome to Detox to Rehab’s Recovery Reflections. Please join us and listen to the experience, strength and hope shared by Brandon, Megan and Madison.
We will pre-record readings from the book Daily Reflections. We express how this reading has helped our recovery or how it has impacted us. We thank you and hope we can inspire your recovery journey!
August 16, 2017: I Had Dropped Out
We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have “harmed” other people. What kinds of “harm” do people do one another, anyway? To define the word “harm” in a practical way, we might call it the result of instincts in collision, which cause physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual damage to people.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 80
I had been to Eighth Step meetings, always thinking, “I really haven’t harmed many people, mostly myself.” But the time came when I wrote my list out and it was not as short as I thought it would be. I either liked you, disliked you, or needed something from you – it was that simple. People hadn’t done what I wanted them to do and intimate relationships were out of hand because of my partners unreasonable demands. Were these “sins of omission”? Because of my drinking, I had “dropped out” – never sending cards, returning calls, being there for other people, or taking part in their lives. What a grace it has been to look at these relationships, to make my inventories in quiet, alone with the God of my understanding, and to go forth daily, with a willingness to be honest and forthright in my relationships.
The Gift of Recovery
“My relationships with other people is a direct result of my relationship with my Higher Power,” Brandon said.
When I was in active addiction, using my life away, I didn’t have a relationship with a God or a Higher Power. This, in turn, caused me to live life in a non-spiritual way, which caused harm to myself and others. I was not living on God’s will which caused me to be a very selfish person. I was the queen of using people for what they had and dropping them as soon as I got what I needed. I was manipulative and deceiving; in truth, I did not realize I was being the way I was.
“I never intended harm,” Megan said.
All I cared about was using Heroin and other substances. There was nothing you could do to stop me from getting my fix. As I said earlier, I was a very selfish person.
“I used all these people to benefit myself, not thinking about how it was going to affect them,” Madison said.
Because all I cared about was Heroin and myself, I was to blind to see the heart ache I was causing other people. I always found a way to justify my behavior and shift the blame of my wrong doings to others. Until I found recovery and the 12-step program, I didn’t realize how many people I truly did harm. I always thought I was the victim in every situation. When it came time to make a list of all persons I have harmed, the list was much longer than I expected it to be.
“Every day I try not to be that same person,” Madison said.
After making that list and making my wrongs right, I really think twice before I act and pause when agitated. This doesn’t make me perfect, I still make mistakes and act out. The difference between then and now is I will immediately make right my wrong because that is what will keep me sober today.
“I have to work this program exactly how it is outlined in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous,” Brandon said.
If I don’t make those wrongs right after I realize the harm I have caused, there is a chance I could suffer a relapse. If I am not working this program the way it is meant to be worked, my sobriety is in jeopardy and chances are I am not as humble of a person. If I want to stay sober and love my life in recovery, I need to be a good person and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction and want a way out, give us a call. We are happy to help in any way we possibly can. Our number is: (866) 578-7471